


Proposition

by FantasticalMusical



Series: Another Ending [1]
Category: Chasing Amy
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 13:10:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2622971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasticalMusical/pseuds/FantasticalMusical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <img/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>SLASH. I love the movie as is, but I do wish there was a deleted scene of a happy Holden/Banky ending. So I just finally wrote one myself. The first in an 8 part series, but they're all short I promise. :)</p><p> </p><p>The first of Another Ending series</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Proposition

"No."

I couldn't believe my ears. No?! After everything and everyone she's done in her life she says no to this, to me? How can I not be insulted by this?

"Thank Christ!"

Banky doesn't want to either. For some reason this hurts more than Alyssa's rejection. Yet, feeling insulted by Banky is the last thing I'm feeling…Banky ignites more of a feeling of curiosity and something else. Disappointment maybe? Why did he agree to it in the first place then? As quickly as I think of that question the answer immediately pops into my head. For me. He was going to go through with this insane request just because I asked him to. This flattery warms my heart. Wait, why do I care so much about this? Why are my thoughts so focused on my best friend when I should be paying closer attention to my girlfriend?

"You don't want this Holden."

"Yes I do. I've thought about this over and over and I'm sure of it. It's the only way to make things work for all of us."

I glance over at Banky, his eyes are closed and his bottom lip has a slight tremble to it. I think he's doing all he can to keep himself from crying. I did that. I hurt him. All I want to do is make it better, but I honestly have no idea how. I'd go to him now, but I'm worried that'd just make things worse. For the first time in 20 years I'm at a loss with how to talk to Banky. I suppose it's just as well since apparently Alyssa has more to say.

"See that's what I'm talking about. "all of us"? Why include Banky in this at all? If you truly just wanted to be on par with me then why not ask me to bring one of my girlfriends to bed with us? Or try some toys? Or role play? There are plenty of ways to get you some more experience that don't involve your best friend who happens to be in love with you. Your best friend that, apparently, you're attracted to. How can you not see just how worse this would make everything?"

Now she's crying. I'm crying too and I don't even know when I started. I look back at Banky and his head is turned away, but his hand is wiping at his face, and it kills me that I just keep hurting him. I never meant to hurt anyone. This was just meant to be a solution to just get things back to where they were before. When things were easier. I just wanted a girlfriend that doesn't lie to me and my best friend to stop bitching so much. That's where I fucked up, because I was just focusing on what I wanted. I obviously didn't think hard enough on what these two wanted. Alyssa's done with her wild ways and just wants to settle down with me. Which probably would've happened if she hadn't lied about her past. Banky may bitch, but it's his way of being brutally honest with me. He's never lied to me and I have never lied to him. But, I think we both have been lying to ourselves. Banky just bitched so much about Alyssa because he was so scared of losing me to her. I pretended not to notice how much he cares for me, because I didn't want to deal with fact that I care just as much for him. Damn, is Alyssa still talking?

"Holden, you have to choose. I think Banky can agree with me when I say that we hate each other and we're not interested in sharing you. He obviously can't accept me as your girlfriend. And, to be honest, after tonight, I don't know if I can deal with such a...close friendship. Jesus Holden, if what you say is true, do you really think Banky's interested in being used tonight, just to be pushed away tomorrow? Even if he is, and calls a truce come morning, he'll eventually get tired of being the lovesick third wheel and'll bail. Best case scenario, we all do our best to pretend your proposition here didn't happen. The more time you spend building a life with me, is time you'd be losing with Banky. It happens, even to those 'normal couples' you seem to envy so much. Over time friendships change and sometimes even end. It sucks, but it's a part of life. Why do you have such a hard time accepting that? Why are you so desperate to keep Banky around that you think a threesome would be a good idea?"

"Alyssa, I…"

My voice trails off, because I'm too stunned to think. Damnit, Banky was right. This is the time when I have to choose. Banky or Alyssa, I obviously can't have them both. Alyssa is becoming a slobbery mess and I don't dare look at Banky. I just force myself to think. To imagine a life without Alyssa. A life with no wife. No picket fence. No 2.5 kids. A life full of nothing, but comics. And Sega. And rehearsed Star Wars references. And backwards caps and drinking chocolate milk while watching TV and his weird way with kids and that smile. I think of Banky's smile. Now, I force myself to think of a life without Banky.

"Banky. I choose Banky."

Alyssa closes her eyes and nods with tears running down her face. Out of the corner of my eye I see Banky's head snap towards me and his eyes are wide with shock. Alyssa begins to stand to leave and I feel the need to say something.

"I'm sorry Alyssa. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Yeah. Me too."

She hugs me and I hug her back. I feel like shit for hurting her. For chasing after her only to let her go. If only I dealt with my own drama first. Would I though? Would I had ever sat down and discussed things with Banky unless I was forced to? Probably not. Would the concept of love transcending gender ever even occur to me if it wasn't for knowing Alyssa? No, I would've stayed my happy ignorant self. Never risking having more with Banky in the fear of losing what we already had.

She starts to walk out when she stops for a second to look down at Banky and say, "He's yours again." I want to call her out on being a bitch to him, but I don't want to delay her departure. It's shitty of me I know, but I just want her gone. Because I need to know if I am in fact his again. Because I want to be. God help me, I so want to be.


	2. Chapter 2

After she closes the door I finally bring myself to look at Banky. He's staring at the floor with his head in his hands. I wipe my eyes dry and gently sit next to him on the couch. I feel like I'm approaching a strange dog that could snap at me at any second.

"Banky?" My voice is quiet and a bit raspy. I'm emotionally drained, but this conversation can't wait. We've both waited long enough.

"You shouldn't have done that." He whispers. I was expecting yelling and cursing. Then again the conversation is just beginning.

"Which part?" This makes him raise his head and stare at me with disbelief.

"Which part?! All the parts you fucker! How could you do this? How the fuck is any of this even happening! FUCK!"

Now full of energy he's up and pacing the apartment yelling obscenities. He's good at yelling. He's good at a lot of things, but he really has expressing his rage down to an art. I act annoyed at his angry ramblings, but most of the time I'm fascinated by how and why he reacts so passionately to the small supposed injustices of the world around him. His rants, while fun to witness, are not usually about anything important. Never has it been about anything vital like it is now. I've never before had to worry about calming him down. Whatever inane thing it was that pissed him off, I always knew that he would get over it. This time it isn't inane. This time I don't know what he'll do.

I'm up with him now, standing close, but not too close. I want to stop his pacing. I want to grab his arm, pull him against me, hold him and never let go. I want a lot of things, but this isn't about me right now.

"Banky I'm sorry. I can't say I'm sorry enough. You're right it was all wrong and just so stupid of me to suggest any of it. I wasn't thinking."

"YES YOU WERE! YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF JUST FINE!"

He stops his pacing and looks at me. "Do you really think that of me? Do you?!"

"What do you mean?"

He rolls his eyes and exhales in annoyance. I just keep feeling shittier, but there can't be anymore misunderstandings or dancing around the subject. Everything needs to be out in the open once and for all.

Banky takes a few steps closer to me, looks me in the eyes, and in almost a whisper asks, "Do you really think that I'm in love with you?"

"Yes. Yes I do."

"Was there…I don't know…ANY OTHER TIME YOU COULD'VE TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT?! WHAT THE FUCK HOLDEN?!" He's walking away from me now scanning the kitchen counter for something as he keeps throwing at me all the words he needs to say.

"WITH HER HERE! SITTING ON THE COUCH WITH ME! LIKE I NEED HER AS AN AUDIENCE IN THE FUCKING FRONT ROW TO WITNESS THE FUCKING DISASTER THAT IS MY LIFE."

"Your life isn't a disaster!"

"WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WOULD YOU CALL IT?! I WAS GOING TO GO THROUGH WITH IT HOLDEN! I WOULD'VE DONE IT! FOR YOU!"

He finds what he was looking for, cigarettes of course. He takes a small time out from yelling to light one up and I take this opportunity to say what I should've said a long time ago.

"I know and I love you for it. I love you Banky."

That stops him in his tracks for a minute. He's just standing there staring at the ground, slightly shaking his head, and taking the occasional puff of nicotine. I decide it's not enough to just tell him how I feel, I need to show him. However, I also don't want to act like a selfish dick again. I gotta do it right this time. He's too important to fuck this up. So I'll take it slow. As I walk towards him I say it again, "I love you."

He still won't look at me, but at least he starts to talk to me again. "No you don't."

I'm an arm's length away and I try to reach out to him, but he jerks away and starts to walk across the room again.

"Yes I do. Banky, I know I fucked up, and I'm sorry. I hurt you and I'm so sorry. But, if all this shit is what made me realize how I truly feel then I'm glad. Because I love you Banky. I lo-"

"STOP SAYING THAT!"

He's staring straight at me now and his brown eyes are brimming with tears.

"YOU WERE GOING TO USE ME TO GET THAT DYKE TO TAKE YOU BACK NOT FIVE MINUTES AGO! THAT'S NOT LOVE!"

"DAMNIT BANKY I WAS WRONG! OK, I WAS WRONG. BUT I'M TRYING TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT…FUCK BANKY I CHOSE YOU! IF I TRULY WANTED THE 'DYKE' I COULD'VE HAD HER, BUT I DON'T! I WANT YOU!"

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT!"

The tears are flowing freely down his face and I'm too confused to respond. 'Shouldn't have done that' ? Those words make no sense. Of course I should have. Fuck, I should've done it ages ago. How could me finally realizing just how deep my love for him goes upset him like this? As if he's a mind reader he begins to answer me. No longer yelling, but speaking through the tears in a sad defeated voice. I prefer the yelling.

"It would be one thing if you had got tired of her bullshit on your own. But to...give her up. To choose me over her? When I know what she meant to you. How happy she made you. You were so close to that fucking fairy tale happy ending, that I know you've wanted your whole life. And you gave it all up. For a closeted fuck, who doesn't have a damn clue of how to make you half as happy as you make him. Who has to follow the legacy that will always be Alyssa fucking Jones. It's too much pressure in an already fucked up beyond belief situation. How the hell can anyone even begin to live up to that?! HOW?! I know I can't. It's just too much. All of this is just too fucked up and I can't handle it. I'm sorry Holden, but I just can't deal with this. I gotta get out of here."

He's beyond crying now, but I can't seem to care. All I care about in that whole fucking tirade is, 'I gotta get out of here' They way he said it sounded so...final. Is he planning on leaving? He can't be! But there he goes, into his room and slams the door shut behind him. Out of nowhere this large lump appears in my throat and I try to call out to him, but nothing comes out. I start rubbing my face with my hands in an attempt to make the tears stop. I'm trying to stop my mind from racing, trying to stop the panic that's building up inside me. He can't leave. I can't lose him. I can't.


	3. Chapter 3

Get a grip Holden. He hasn't left yet, so get a hold of yourself! He's surely in there packing a bag and will be ready to leave in a few minutes. I wonder where he'll go. Hooper's probably. Wait, no. NO! It's not over yet. It doesn't have to end like this. And I'll be damned if I'm just going to watch him walk out of my life. I go to the sink to get myself together. I wipe my face with a paper towel, drink a glass of water, and try to think of what to say to Banky. Then I decide, fuck it. It's not like anything I plan works out anyway, so I might as well just go with what my gut tells me. And right now it's telling me to get my ass in Banky's room.

I don't bother knocking. Banky's sitting on his bed with a duffle bag full of clothes next to him and seeing that just makes me lose it.

"I'M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Banky doesn't say anything. He doesn't react at all. He just stares up at me with an exhausted look on his face. Like he doesn't even care. Well, I do. I fucking care a lot.

"I've never lied to you Banky and I'm not about to start now. It hurt to imagine a life without her. It hurt a lot. At first. Then all I could see was a life with you. And it was good. Really fucking good. Then I tried to imagine a life without you and I wouldn't say that it hurt at all. No, a more apt description is that it almost killed me. It was like suddenly all the air left the room. So there wasn't anything to mull over, no pros and cons to consider. It was simple. A life without you isn't an option."

I stop to give him a chance to respond. He doesn't. But he's not walking out the door either. I choose to focus on that as I sit next to him.

"I know you're scared. I am too. This is new to both of us, to say the least. But it's us Banky. It's you and it's me. I know we can make this work. I'm begging you Banky, please don't give up on me. I know I've messed up. Not just with tonight, but for taking you for granted. For avoiding this thing between us for far too long. I fucked up royally and I know I don't deserve it, but I'm asking anyway. Please, give me the chance to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

I reach out to him and this time he doesn't pull away. I place my hand on the side of his face and pull his forehead to mine. I can feel him tense up a bit, so I move my hand to the back of his head and start to run my fingers through his hair. He's not pulling away! For the first time in what feels like forever I smile. It's a small smile, but a smile none the less. I can feel him begin to relax and that's when he starts to speak.

"Holden?"

"Yeah?"

"There's still something that I haven't told you yet, and I need to."

I'm careful not to let it show, but all I can think is, 'What now?!' We're finally so close to making progress. To taking our relationship to the next level. To looking forward and never looking back. His lips are finally only a breath away. I'm tired of the tears, the yelling, and the fear that he'll decide we're not worth all this trouble after all. I'm just so fucking tired. But, I just promised to make up for all my fuck ups and I meant it. Listening to him bare his soul to me is hardly any trouble, it's a privilege. So, whatever it is I know that I can handle it. That we can handle it.

I pull back and hold his face in my hands, because I want him to see me clearly as I say this.

"What is it Banky? Whatever it is please know that we can get through it. I promise. Together I know we can do anything." At this he smiles. A true big Banky smile and I fall in love with him even more.

"I just need to tell you that I love you too, Holden. I love you too."


End file.
